What Do I do with the Love?

friendshipbreakup

What do you do with the love when you come to the end of a relationship?  What happens to all the love that you’ve accumulated over the years of endless phone conversations,  financial bail-outs, late-night phone calls when you can’t sleep, boyfriend break-up, divorces, pitch hit baby-sitter when you have that appointment that you absolutely must attend and who could forget that girlfriend who knows just what to say to you before you jump off the building?  She has been to your go to person.  She is your S.I.C. or G.I.C. sister in charge or girlfriend in charge.  You can’t imagine navigating a life without her.  After all you talk to her more than you talk to your own husband.  I, too had a SIC.  As I write this, I can’t believe that I’m giving voice to the emptiness in my heart. I truly don’t know what to do with the love that I still have.

I don’t claim to know everything about women.  But, I’ve been around a few and I’ve heard tales of broken friendships and how one friend betrayed another.  We’ve all experienced or know someone who has crossed the lines with a boyfriend or husband that you’ve trusted.  But, the betrayal of a friendship when someone has walked so closely with you is the ultimate in betrayal.  In the beginning you looked for signs of deceit, you may have even tested her loyalties, and you even dared trusted her around your “man” yet she passed with flying colors.  Because of your insecurity you may have tested her periodically until one day you are convinced she is tried and true.  So you relax.  Years go by and the friendship is consistent.  There may be some minor hiccups, but this is your sister/friend and you’re able to move on without skipping a beat.  You and your sister friend are so interwoven together that others accept her because of your love for her.  In fact, there have been  times where other women have become jealous and tried to threaten or manipulate your relationship.  But, you two were smart, you even saw through that.  You both dared to be different. You prided yourself on not being “female”, manipulative or catty.  You’ve even spoken to your lesser friends on how to be the perfect sister/friend.  So how could this relationship go wrong?

If truth is to be told, many women have hidden agendas.  And if you are a female you may recall a time when it was you.  When I started Leading Ladies it was out of a desire to truly connect women together.  It was to demystify that we couldn’t trust each other.  I wanted a group of women who could be honest with each other and table and be able to walk away and come back as if nothing ever happened because we are GROWN WOMEN!  Sadly, my attempts were not accomplished.  I took a solemn oathe to be real with these women and I can tell you honestly, I didn’t know what that meant at the time.  I found myself opening up more than I ever wanted to.  You see there are some things I would love to just keep in the closet.  Little by little the Lord started picking me to share certain things.  I hadn’t planned on being that candid.  I wanted to expose these women to something new, but God wanted to expose me to something new.  He reminded me that I couldn’t get these women to trust each other if they couldn’t trust me.  So I opened, and I poured.  I exposed my feelings, my thoughts, my life, my marriage and my career.  It was the greatest lesson in growth and development that I continue to glean from today.  I pledged myself to any of these women who were willing to let me into their lives.  My single goal was to truly be a sister/friend.  I’m not perfect, but I can go to the creator knowing that this one thing I did well.  My favorite saying is that if there is anyone that will be wrong in the relationship, it won’t be me.  I practice intentionally on being a sister/friend.  I support, I show-up.  I study and learn my role.  I embody sister/friend in my relationships and one such lady was a benefactor of it.  I GAVE HER ME!

I have lived in my head most of my life.  It’s a place that I have found refuge from being an awkward child.  In my head I could be anyone but me.  But it was her, that showed me that life exists outside of my head.  My sister/friend came to me when I needed someone to hold up my world.  I didn’t even know that I was juggling the world.  It was my normal.  She graciously walked into my life and said, “God said for me to be your armour-bearer.”  I didn’t know what that meant at the time, but I got the jist of it.  Slowly she began to show me that there is someone you can trust with your soul.  I learn to share mine with hers.  Years of pain and hurt that I didn’t know I had began to be peeled away.  I became naked with my dreams and my fears.  Her ears heard many of my triumphs and struggles.  Never once, did she give me a hint of any negative energy in anything I said or did.  She also made me want to be a better friend.

I recalled the day that I told her that my mom would die.  These were her  next words,”I’M ON MY WAY” as I type this post my eyes are filled with tears because they were the most healing words that I think I have ever heard.  All I know is that I needed her there.  She was there with me when my mother took her last breath.  That’s what sister/friends do.  That’s what she does.  She had mastered such a level of understanding me that was simply AMAZING.  She was God’s gift to me or my armour-bearer and she once said.  I can fill an entire book of what this lady means to me.  I am intimately aware of what gifts come from God and how they are to be respected and treated.  I would never discount and devalue the love that was given to me.  I know that God was the source and she was the vehicle.

So what happens when the relationship has ended?  When this person has hurt you so deeply and they have managed to show you what you have been afraid of all your life; losing love. And that your love doesn’t count.  How does your betrayed heart beat with a new rhythm?  How do you navigate the world with her?  What happens when you need oxygen and she was the one that put the oxygen mask on you?  Who do you call in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep and she answers the phone like she was anticipating your call?  Who will you tell your husband secrets to when the world advises you to keep your marriage private?  For me, this person doesn’t exist anymore. Some would say our  “season” was up. I would never be convinced of this.  She knows and I know that this was not how our friendship was to go down.  There was nothing Godly in this breakup.  And for those who says seasons change, I would offer that they do, but there is always seasons to replant.

That brings me back to what do I do with the love?  Despite the hurt and the pain my love still remains.  I love her today as I did last year.  I wish and pray the best.  She will always be one of the greatest part of me. I have a love that deserves to be shared.  It’s a love that I crave to experience for myself.

I Wanna Know What Love Is

I can remember when I first heard the song, “I wanna know what love is.” I’m sure I said to myself what so many others have said.  “Me too!”  Finding love in this world has become such a daunting task.  Or maybe it isn’t.  After all, we have television shows like the Bachelor and the Bachelorette who find love in a few episodes.  Only in America can we endorse a man having his pick of many women and all vying for his heart.  What kind of love is that?

From a little girl, I dreamed of finding my prince.  I knew that he would whisk me away to some perfect place and we would have our 3.2 perfect children.  I would be a hot at-home mom and he would love me forever.  I guess it’s safe to assume that it never happened that way.  In fact, most of my life, I have been unlucky at love.  Sure, I have found men to fall in love with me.  Each of them always wanted marriage soon after dating.  I was and am the marrying kind.  But, I was never happy.  After each  failed marriage, I knew then what I had known when I walked down the aisle;I shouldn’t be doing this.  The Christian girl in me always wanted to do the right thing.  But, deep inside, I knew that it was that I wanted to be able to say I did the right thing.  No one ever taught me how to love.  I just fell willy nilly into relationships.  My mom was a product of an accident she was told regarding her birth.  Her mother was young when she had her so she was raised by her  maternal grandmother.  Her grandmother  was uneducated and the fund of her knowledge was picking cotton.  There was very little in the development of families during that time in south.  Just trying to survive daily on the plantation was all that many could do.  My mom, like her mom, got pregnant early.  My dad, married and raised my mom is what he would say.  They too, were children and didn’t know much about love. So it was a cycle that was perpetuated.  When my older sister was born my father did what many black men did during the era, the got married.  Our society teaches us that many men didn’t own up to their responsibilities back then.  I don’t firmly believe this.  Many men during this time, did get married.  Although my parent and  my parent’s parents didn’t have a Dr. Phil or an Oprah to tell them how to love they  went on instincts and I guess somehow that was passed down to me.  I knew how to be responsible.  If I had sex, that meant get married.  However, I lack the social skills, ingenuity, spirituality, and emotional capability to make any of those relationships work.  I had a form of godliness, but no true God.

I found myself in my current marriage, desiring love.  I knew my husband loved me.  I knew that if he had his way we would be together forever, but I wanted him to LOVE ME!!!!   The difference between love me and LOVE ME I hadn’t a clue.  The sad part to that statement is that I truly had no idea what that meant.  I remember having a conversation with my husband and him asking me how could he not love me?  He asked,   What is it that I am doing that makes you think that I don’t love you?  All I could say is that I know that you love me, but I need you to love me.  It doesn’t make sense, right?  It doesn’t make sense, but it was what I meant.   For days I kept asking myself what do I want.  I tried to make lists of things he could do, but nothing I wrote every amounted to him LOVING ME.  You see, I didn’t want him to kiss me more, or wine and dine me, although those things were nice.  I didn’t want a new car or a big fancier house. All I knew is I wanted something from him and he wasn’t giving it to me.  I started to become bitter.  How could he not know what I needed?  Why couldn’t he just fix me?  After, all I got him where he is.  Being all happy and stuff.  Why couldn’t he make me just as happy as he was?  My days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years.  I wasn’t happy and I wanted out!

One day as I contemplated the  Mr. new guy who would give me exactly what I was looking for, I tried to imagine what he would be doing differently.  I couldn’t conjure up one image of what that  love looked like.  I slowly beginning  to realize that the problem might be me.  It was sobering.  I had blamed my husband for my unhappiness.  I wanted him to save me, but I could never tell him what the danger was.  I had all these expectations, yet no real visuals for the expectation.  Even if my husband had met my needs, I would have never  recognized it.  I had pushed love away many times because I stood asking, I wanna know what love is.  It’s like standing in the ocean and saying I wish I had water.  Love was all around me yet I couldn’t see it.  The best way that I can explain this is if you have ever lived by an airport or a railroad track, in time your mind has filtered the noise and you no longer hear it.  It is only when a visitor comes that hears the plane or the train and reminds you.  Love can be that way sometimes.  You’ve had it near you, but you’ve filtered it as noise and it becomes a part of your world.  So in time, you lose the beauty of it.  You secretly long for it because you think you  either lost it or it is gone.  This is why many marriages fail.  No one has taught them to move to dry land and look back at the water.  Love has to be experienced at some point from a distance to behold the beauty of it and appreciate its value.  To be in awe of something you have to behold it.  Standing knee deep in water, you will never appreciate it.  But, once on dry land, the enormity and the vastness of the water is clearly seen.  I found love again on dry land.

My dry land came in the form of a deep separation of almost all things.  I unplugged from life.  Except for the necessary, I did nothing.  I got in touch with God.  I didn’t intentionally start with God.  I’m much too stubborn for that.  I started with all the remedies I had to fix it and when I saw that didn’t work, then I tried God.  I’m just being honest.  I learned that I would have never known what love was no matter how hard I searched.  If he was rich, cute and intelligent, godly and rich(I know I said it twice), I still wasn’t going to be happy.  The love I longed for is that one that never fails.  No man or no human could have ever filled what my spirit and heart needed.  It was designed to be filled only by the presence of God.  The love I found in God taught me to accept the love of my husband in all of its completeness.  I no longer dictate the way that my husband loves me.  It’s his love and it’s not my business to tell his love what to do.  Whew, that was a big step.  I had to trust in his love for God that would empower him to give me all the love that I needed.  We often  ask God for things and I wonder do we really think that God is going to give it us when we ask.  I asked God for a man that loves me, yet I didn’t believe.  I was waiting on a feeling.  I was waiting on the extraordinary.  I was waiting for the fairy tale.  I will let you in on a secret you probably already know; fairy tales aren’t real.  I learned this the hard way.  If you wanna know what love is, Genesis to Revelation is the greatest love story ever told.

 

Organic Sista

DIY: Natural Homemade Cleaning Recipes

Homemade-cleaning-products

I love to make my own cleaning supplies.  Walking into my home and smelling a clean fresh house after working many hours is what the doctor has in order for me.  Nothing beats the smell of fresh lemons and stimulating essential oils.  It immediately picks up my spirit and create a sense of calmness.  Visitors to my home always remark how soothing and calm my house is.  I love it when we have guests overnight and they remark, there is something about that bedroom or your house evokes peace.  The quick answer is essential oils. Nothing can quicken your spirit and sense of sensibilities as essential oil.  Whether it is lavender (my favorite) or chamomile, eucalyptus or lemongrass, these oils will ignite you.  Packed within these pure oils are essences that you will discover that are therapeutic and mood provoking.   So here’s one of my cleaning recipes.

All Purpose Cleaner

4 oz of Castille Soap

12 oz of distilled water

1/8 cup of lemon or vinegar

10 drops of your favorite essential oil

I use this all purpose cleaner on my kitchen counter tops  and bathroom.  The castille is a very mild soap yet it cleansing properties are amazing.  I add vinegar or lemon (and sometimes both) to give the soap some astringent properties to cut through grime and grease.

Organic Sista

Why You Should Stop Being Nice

I received this in my inbox today from my dear friend Denise Mosely of GirlPower and I thought that rather than post today that I would share this with you.  Reading it definitely gives the reader something to think about.  Thanks for the inspiration Denise via Tammy Straight.
 girlpower
Why You Should Stop Being “Nice”
Have you ever had someone tell you you’re nice?
I have to be honest that I’ve never really been a fan of that word.
I mean, sometimes we can be nice. I have definitely been nice before.
Like the times when being honest is just too hard. Or when I have a hard time just being quiet. Nice pops out.
Nice is pleasing. It’s appropriate. It makes us feel that we’re doing the socially acceptable thing. The nice thing. Saying hello but not really meaning it, pretending excitement when we’re annoyed up to our eyeballs. That’s so niiiiice.
Blergh.
Kind is totally different.
When I looked up kind, because I’m a word girl and words matter, it said kind is a fundamental nature or quality. Kind isn’t superficial or forced or easily turned on and off.
You can’t fake kind.
You can fake nice. And maybe that’s my aversion to it – I’ve seen a whole lot of nice to the face, mean behind the back and I’m way beyond over it. There is no room for toxic people.
I want to be kind.
I want to say something and mean it. And if I don’t mean it, I won’t say it just to be nice. 
I’ve noticed we’re not all that accustomed to accepting compliments given in true kindness. I’ve noticed people tend to respond, “oh that’s so nice of you to say.” And it twists something in my stomach a little bit so I tell them, No. I mean it. I wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true. 
And I wouldn’t.
I’m not very nice.
I won’t lie to your face to get through a moment. I won’t.
But I will be kind because I mean it.-Tammy Strait

What Label Is On The Bag You’re Carrying?

bags

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel the weight of the world is upon your shoulders?  You have way too much to carry this day and someone walks in and says, can I share this with you.  You know from the last syllable that came out of their mouth, the answer should be no.  However, you say politely yes, because anything else would make you Un-Christian or not Nice.  You have been taught that good girls are nice and nice girls are good.  I often see women carry the workload, burdens and cares of so many others and yet they are surprised why they cannot manage the problems of their own.  The management systems that they have set up for others never includes them.  The protocols to love yourself, be kind to yourself and receive to yourself was never written in.

I was one of those women (still in recovery).  If you tell me your problems, your dreams or your impossibilities I am able to see past all the obstacles and teach you how to maneuver past them.  I am good at visioneering other people’s life.  After all I’m analytic and an astute researcher.  My entire adult life has been assessing one situation from the next and finding out the missing parts.  It is what makes me good at work and ineffective at allowing things to progress through the natural course.  I’m good at figuring things out. There have been times that I’ve been so preoccupied with the events of someone else’s life that I didn’t nurture the events of my own life.  So when I tell that I love carrying the bags of others it is not to be a servant/leader, it is to ignore my life.  Life for me is a spectator sport.  I love to sit and observe the lives of others.  For many it’s being nosey, but not so for me, I am truly an observer and a fixer.  Olivia Pope doesn’t have anything on me.  My career has taught me much about problem solving and I am the go to person for  my family and friends.  They often tell me that I always seem to have the answer.  Now, I am inclined to agree with many that I am just that good.  But, the truth of the matter is that if I can find the missing parts in your life and help you connect your dots, then somewhere I matter.

All of us on planet earth seek validation in some area.  I just choose to carry  the load for others.  What’s shocking about this is that I’m not an easily approachable person.  At least by the looks on my face, I’m told.  But, in me there resides a truth that many people connect to.  I’m very transparent.  I live intentionally and for the most part, I don’t change.   And it’s  not that tell all my business.  In fact, I’m deeply private.  But, there is very little pretense in me.  In my former job, co-workers would always gravitate to my desk to tell me some of the most deepest secrets, escapades and darkest sins. I held them all in.   What had not occurred to me is that for  years I carried their burdens.  I am much to strong of a personality to show it, but I held onto these bags of people as comfort.  I always felt powerless when I couldn’t fix their lives or problems.  The weight of this had  become such a problem for me that in the last few years if someone said can I share something with you, I, added more weight.

I found myself on the corner of despair.  I didn’t know what was wrong with me.  I felt heavy all the time.  Then, the fatigue set in.  I felt guilty that I didn’t have drama in my life so many people shared.  But I felt like I had been through several divorces, family members on drugs, unemployment, sickness and disease and betrayal to name a few.  But, thankfully, none of these were my portion at the time.  It was the burdens of others.  Slowly the walls of my mildly perfect life began to crumble.  I didn’t have the strength to carry my own bags.  I was depleted and bankrupt.  All the deposits I had made in the life of others didn’t grow any interest in the bank account of my life.  In fact, I had overdrawn on life completely that when my world spiraled, I couldn’t cope.

When you board a plane the flight attendant gives you the safety features of the aircraft.  They also tell you in case of an emergency to put on your own oxygen mask before you help others.  That’s it!  I had failed to put on my own oxygen mask.  Like a flood, every negative thing that could happen came fast forward in my life.  Death, sickness, business and personal failure, separation, and an attack on my son was my new normal.  Each day started out with what dragon I was going to slay. The attack was so heavy.   I prayed for strength and it seemed as if my prayers went on deaf ears.  I knew God was listening, but I didn’t know if he was speaking to me.  It was the darkest hour in my life and I wanted death to relieve it.  I never contemplated suicide, but I know what wanting to die feels like.  I thought no one has ever experienced this level of pain.  Sadly to0 many others do and much worse than that of what I experienced.  When I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did.  I dared not question God, why, but I wanted to.  I just needed to know how long the pain would last. My suffering finally came to halt when one night I found myself in the middle of my living room floor screaming at the top of my lungs, “I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!”  It was the most horrific cry that I have ever cried.    My emotional pain had become physical pain.  I needed it to end and I needed to end right now.  I asked God to not allow anything more on me than I could bear.  I WAS DONE!   It was at my lowest, that I realized that I had surrendered.

It never occurred that during my 2 years of process that I was still holding bags.  I was still carrying bags of  pain in my stomach, grief on my back, disappointment in my eyes, hurt in my heart, fear in my walk,  unworthiness on my head and guilt in my two hands and unforgiveness in my veins.  Only God could free my life of torture.  My restoration didn’t take place overnight.  Healing is not an event, it is a process.  My journey is taking me the scenic route.  It is putting me at the foot of the cross.  I find that it is the only place where I can lay down my ego and begin to trust him.  I’m learning the hardest lesson and that is to trust him more and more each day.  I would love to tell you that I have made it the finish line.  But, the strong willed, don’t-need-nobody person still lives in me and has yet to be crucified.  My submission to God hasn’t created full crucifixion yet, so I remain in process. I remain hopeful.  He is faithful to perform all the necessary training that I need day by day and experience by experience.  The good news is he will do it for you.  On the cross he whispered my name.  Who wouldn’t serve a God like this?

Organic Sista

Simmering Spices

simmeringpot

Simmering Herbs

I always love the smell of fresh linen, fresh herbs and simmering spices in my home.  Some of the herbs I grow in my garden.  I planted a Rosemary bush a few and it grows in abundance.  So I am always trying to find recipes and formulations to use it.  This is one of my favorite recipes for room scent.  Those who visit my house are always looking for a candle or a plug in as the source of this great smelling fragrance in my home during the fall.  But, they need look no further than a small pot on my stove the fills the air with such a warm fragrance.

Recipe

1 qt of water

4 Sprigs of Rosemary

3 Slices of Lemon

1/4 tsp of Cinnamon of clove

or 1 tsp of vanilla extract

Simmer on stove at a very low temperature.

GONE TO SOON!

lashanda

FRIEND FOREVER

It’s been over a year since I have been able to visit the pages of the website. For the most part this website has laid dormant. I’ve been paralyzed to say or do anything as it relates to Leading Ladies. The end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013 were horrible times. In two short months, we had the unexpected death of two of our Leading Ladies and the devastating separation of my marriage. Grief crippled me and I retreated. I went totally off grid to grasp the pain and deep sorrow that I felt inside. Words cannot express the loss of a biological sister and a best friend who was a sister all while dealing with a painful separation. What was I to do? I didn’t know how to navigate this new normal. I didn’t have a set of instructions. No college course had ever prepared me for LIFE.

Leading Ladies was formed out of a longing for true connection with women. I had discovered that I wasn’t open to female friends. It was my mistrust of the female’s deception that kept me from forming any bonds with most women. A casual conversation with an assistant of mine, informed that I was a loner and an introvert. This couldn’t be right I thought. I interact with people all the time. How could I be, dis-associative? After all I do have a best friend. It was at this point my assistant said, your mother has died and you didn’t allow anyone to come to your house. It had not occurred to me that I did that out of some desire to be apart from people, but it got me to thinking. I looked around and I only had one friend. A best friend who was 600 miles away. Even she and I didn’t talk much. I looked around and I suddenly felt lonely. I had management systems in my life not to feel or become close to anyone. I saw what hurt did to people and I surely didn’t want any of that.

The death of my mother allowed me to take stock of my life. I had worked my way to success and was climbing even higher when my mother died. Today, I don’t understand how I ran all the businesses, church affairs, marriage, and life in general. I was on several board of directors and was always at the ready to help someone out, but when my mother died, I couldn’t think of one person that I could call except for my assistant. I remember calling Erica, and saying I’m taking this week off because I know my mother is going to die. She later called me that day to check on me and I knew that it wouldn’t be long before my mother passed. What happened next was the most healing words of my life. “I’m on my Way.” I didn’t give it much thought, but it brought a certain amount of peace for the moment. My died that night with Erica there with me. The Lord knew in that moment, I needed someone. Erica went from being my assistant to best confidant a person could have. I was able to lay all my fears, sin, shame at her feet. She carried it on her shoulder and never showed me that she wavered from the stress of it. I had lived inside my head for so many years that I didn’t know how to come out. My mother’s death left room in my life to sit and think. I learned that all my success and ever setting goals was a mask for the guilt that I felt.

I had gotten pregnant in college. I felt ashamed as I was one of two people from my community who went to college. Everyone knew that I was succeed, but the shame of returning home pregnant created a drive in me. I wanted to repay my mother for the shame I had caused her. My mother dropped out of school in the 8th grade. She endured the pain of my abusive father to make sure I had what I needed. I still recall the day my dad told me that I couldn’t go to college because he wouldn’t pay for it. I cried. Those words still haunt me today. It was my father who threatened me to get good grades. It was he that told me a “B” means bad. I strove for straight A’s. But even with good grades he was never impressed. I thought the idea of the good grades were to go to college. My mother later told me to not worry about college. She proclaimed, “At the end of the summer you will leave her for college. I don’t care if I have to mop every white person’s floor in America, you are going to college.” So that’s where the guilt came in. I became focus at locking everyone out and creating a life that my mom would be proud of. The death of my mom released me from that guilt.

In walks in Lashanda Miles. I knew her from my orthodontist. She treated me special at my appointment for my braces. She made me a VIP. I would have never thought we would be friends much later. I was way too different. She was contemporary and I was awkward and nerd. I didn’t fit in with many women. I wasn’t into fashion, clubs or what was going in pop culture. I was into nature and science. This brilliant angel saw the best in me. She thought I was cool. She had so much confidence in me that I was scared to let her down. She would call and ask questions and I would just so happen to have the answers and she thought I was intelligent. I thought I was just lucky. It was through her pushy assistance that I launched my third company. Maybe demanded is the right word. She encourage me to be and to do all. She forced me into interaction with others. It became fun and then it became addictive.

Who knew friendship could be so good? I wasn’t totally naive. I did have a best friend. It is still the most sacred friendship I have, but it still had left me with wanting. Lashanda Miles was the gift that God gave to me to open me to the gifts that I had inside. I struggle to navigate without the footprints in my life. What do you do when one of your biggest cheerleaders die? She along with my sister has been the greatest teacher for me. I live INTENTIONALLY ever day. To do otherwise, would be a disservice to them.

Leading Ladies has been such a source of great joy and pain. How do I find my way back?

Conversation with God

Good Morning Lover

Good Morning Lover

Cast all your care upon me and I will give you rest. Today I don’t want you to take no thought or worry about anything that robs you of your peace. Let me take care of them. As your bridegroom I long to be with you today and just abide in you. I opened up this day anticipating our communication. Through your rush and haste today, you forgot to speak to me. But, rest assured, I know you thought of me in your heart. I don’t have insecurities, so I trust in the relationship we have. You don’t prove to me that I am number one in your life by the routines that other men do. You know like, I pray three times a day, I study the bible every morning at 5 am. I know the strength of your love for me is when you say I trust you Lord when your days seems dark. I feel it when you got that unexpected surprise and you immediately say thank you to me. I see in when you come to the aid of a friend or family. I know even then that you are loving me. Please don’t treat me with the world’s recipe of love.
I love you in so many ways daughter, and it takes a special woman to see me in the many areas of her life. But, I love you so much that in so many ways, I tell you that I love you daily. I’ve gone to prepare a special place for you my bride. I have adorned with everything that a bride would want and is worthy of. I want you to know your value today. That’s why I don’t want you to worry about anything today. I want to take that burden away. I don’t want any petty distractions that subtract you from the woman you are.
Today I want you to take time by spending time on your vision. I have planted purpose in your heart and filled you with my expectations of you to make you whole and complete. I know that I have given you the heart to help others with their dream, but today work on your vision. What is the difference between dreams and visions? Visions are your purpose and dreams are someone else’s vision.
I’ll wait for you at the end of the day as I always do. I close each day with thoughts of you and how I have secretly admired you throughout your day. I smiled as I saw you showing kindness to a co-worker who you felt didn’t deserve it. I marveled at the softness of your voice when you suppressed your anger and I felt like you were talking to me as you flirted with your spouse. I love you daughter and there is no one else like you in my life.

1 Peter 5:7bags

Dr. Harris

Leading Ladies Tour

The His Will, Her Way Conference exceeded our expectation. We are anxiously anticipating the Second Annual Conference later this year. Meanwhile, the Leading Ladies Tour is coming soon to Jacksonville, Fort Lauderdale/Miami and Atlanta, GA. The speakers are refreshed, personable, full of wisdom, and will shift your mindset to becoming an Intentional Millionaire.

What makes this tour different? You will not just get empowering information, but you will learn practical life application. Stay tuned for more exciting details.