Finding Friday

Finding Friday:  This entire week has been a world wind of emotions.  I’ve felt disconnected this week due to internal issues with family and friends.  But, yet I rose to do what was expected with work and other activities.  This week many times I masked much of what I felt except to those who can see right through me.  I felt such an overwhelming sadness this week that I still have not completely shaking.  When you couple that with disagreement with your husband (yes, I said it), a sick child in another state, empathy from friends pain and just a sense of feeling helpless.  I command my morning and define my days, but this week it was a struggle.  I have learned to depend on my sisters.  Erica Brooks, Tangie Henry, Pontress S. Bailey shoulders are much heavier for holding me up.  This Friday is not Freedom Friday for me.  I’m not focused and I’m running on adrenaline.  I can get over me, but I can’t bandage the wound I feel for my family or friends.  I hurt for my husband and Siobhan Hardy who has lost grandparents this week, my “Beetle” who has the flu in Florida  and to a mom who is in another state it’s torture.  From the hurt a close friend is experience by being taken advantage of, to those who are struggling to keep faith.  Finally, to hear that there is a shooting in NYC.   With the love you have, how does it not affect you?  My process is different than most.  I have 40 years of emotions that was unleashed.  Some mis- applied, but surges all at once.  Many will say you have to master your emotions.  I know that, and time is helping me with that.  But, until I do, I am still walking out most of it.  I want to care less, because it hurts so much now that I do.  It was simpler when I could walk away or ignore the hearts of others.  But, this day, on this Friday….I’m lost and I can’t find my Friday.  I know it will come so there in lies my hope….  I just pray my hope is not deferred.

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